Let’s cut the fluff and dive straight into the cesspool of political absurdity. I’m about to serve you a steaming hot plate of truth, sarcasm and a dash of ‘what-the-actual-heck’.
Our beloved politicians, those illustrious saviours of humanity, have perfected the art of self-promotion, strutting around like peacocks on steroids, flaunting their ‘achievements’ like they just single-handedly wrestled a dragon while juggling flaming swords. But let’s dissect their grandiose claims, shall we?
Hospital Builder Extraordinaire: Ah, yes, the politician who allegedly erected a brand-new hospital. Picture this: they’re in a hard hat, surrounded by construction workers, pointing at blueprints with an intensity that screams, “I invented healthcare!” But hold your applause, folks. Turns out, this hospital was in the pipeline since the Stone Age. The politician’s contribution? Probably choosing the font for the ‘Emergency Exit’ signs.
Road Whisperer: Beachmere Road fixed? Check. Bribie Island Road improved? Double check. Our politician struts along these freshly paved highways, chest puffed out, as if they personally laid every asphalt slab. Spoiler alert: road projects take longer than a sloth’s commute. But hey, let’s give credit where it’s due—the politician’s Instagram game is on point. #RoadWarrior
Bridge Dreams and Selfies: Behold, the politician who secured funding for a new bridge! They pose on the bridge-to-be, wind ruffling their hair, gazing into the distance pondering the meaning of life. Meanwhile, engineers, architects and bridge trolls (yes, they exist) did the actual work. But fear not dear citizens, for our hero has mastered the art of bridge-selfies. #BridgeLife
Small Business Awards, aka Politician Hedonism: Picture this glittering event: a red carpet, flashing cameras and the politician’s face plastered everywhere. Forget struggling business owners; this soirée is all about our star. The awards? Mere props for their re-election campaign. The real winners? The photographers who captured the politician’s ‘thoughtful’ expressions. #BusinessBlitz
News Articles: From Journalism to Advertorials: Our politicians moonlight as wordsmiths. They take legit news articles and sprinkle them with fairy dust, transforming them into glowing tributes to their own brilliance. ‘Breaking News: Politician Breathes Oxygen—World Saved!’ The byline? ‘By Our Humble Servant’. #MediaMagic
Let’s raise our imaginary glasses to change. It’s time for politicians to listen, act and stop treating public service like a vanity project. Otherwise, we’ll be drowning in a sea of selfies, press releases and empty promises.
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